A GOMESSY NEW YEAR BY GRAHAM PARKE

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Blog entry: 
Arrived at the store late, found a homeless guy
sleeping in the doorway. Hicks was already inside but gave no
indication he’d noticed. I nudged the homeless guy and asked, “How are
you doing down there, fellow? You okay?”

The homeless guy grumbled something in his sleep.

“It’s getting pretty cold,” I said. “Don’t you want to
come inside?”

“Inside?” He coughed and opened his eyes.

I pointed out the store, not convinced he’d actually
noticed where he’d crashed the night before. “This is my antiques
store,” I told him. “We’ve got the heating on inside, shame to waste
it on just two people. And it looks like it might start to snow soon.”

The homeless guy gave me a suspicious look. “You want me
to come inside? With you?”

“Sure, if you’d like.”

“Is that because you think that if I come inside with
you, I’ll let you touch me?”

“What? No!”

“Okay, because I can tell you right now, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Well, I suppose it is good to get those kinds of things
clear beforehand. But no, I was just thinking you might enjoy the
warmth, maybe a cup of coco.”

“A cup of coco you say…” He scratched his stubble. “And
you’ll be charging me for this cup of coco?”

“No, the coco is free.”

“I see. So, are you operating under the assumption that
if I come inside with you, and I drink your free coco, that I will
touch you?”

“What? No!”

“Okay, because I can tell you right now, that’s not gonna
happen either. Just because a guy is down on his luck, that doesn’t
mean he goes around touching people in exchange for cups of coco.”

“I understand completely. And thanks again for pointing
that out. But no, my friend and I noticed that you were sleeping in
our doorway and, well, we’d like to invite you inside.”

The homeless guy turned and peered through the window in
the door. He made eye-contact with Hicks, who panicked and went
looking for his broom. “That your friend?”

I followed his gaze. “Yeah, that’s Hicks. He’s a bit
peculiar, but he’s okay.”

“I see.” The homeless guy pulled on his collar. “And this
friend of yours, will he be drinking coco also?”

“I suppose. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems likely.”

“I see.” The homeless guy considered this. “So,” he said,
after a long moment, “will this friend of yours be expecting me to
touch him?”

“No! There is no touching involved in any of this!”

“Okay, calm down,” the homeless guy said. “There’s no
need to get all homophobic!”

“I wasn’t!”

“You sounded homophobic to me.”

“Me? You’re the one who can’t stop talking about touching people!”

I noticed people stopping in the street to stare at us. This
made me very uncomfortable.

Continued
here.

Read Books-R-us' review of
No Hope for Gomez! here.